Today is the end of May, #day65oflockdown, the eve of my birth month. In twelve days I will be 43 and for the first time I ain’t excited about it. I wanted to order a cake and make it special for me, I mean it happens to be on a Friday but on Sunday will be exactly a year since my Sister departed. This puts me in such a confused state… one, I am still alive so I have every right to be grateful of it. Then there’s two, how do I celebrate my life when my Sister’s one was cut short? I know I am not the first person to lose a loved one, nor the last one, but this is my pain. This is my grief journey. To top it all, last week my 98 year old grand Pa also departed. The only grandparent I had left and I couldn’t even bid him farewell.

The Sunday, he was laid to rest I thought of the beautiful memories I had with him. He was present, despite the fact that there are many of us, grandchildren I can proudly say my grandfather was there for me, and my kids. I am a proud Motaung for I am branch of this tall tree that bore my dad and got to live for almost a century. I do have a lot to be grateful of.

So from tomorrow, June 01 I am going back to my workout plans; meditation and physical. I am increasing my mileage of the road for I am now working towards Comrade 2021. Part of me is relieved that this year’s one has been postponed because it was just going to be emotional. Being on the starting line, almost the same time my Sister was declared dead. Was I going to have the strength to carry me through the gruelling 11hours on the road? I guess I will never know.

The journey continues… sometimes it’s clear and other times a bit blurry but one thing is certain time goes. And with the lockdown I am trying to make each day count, as challenging as it is at times I remain #workinprogress.

Rest well Makhehlane. Motaung wa Hlalele, Sebata.

02 July 1921 – 20 May 2020 💜