February 06, 2020. Day 37. What have I learned so far, how close am I to my goal? What’s stopping me to commit? These are questions that are constantly in my mind. I remember how down I was in the first two weeks of the year. I didn’t have any energy to sit down and set my goals for the year, and I always wondered why? Is it because I am afraid of commitment? Am I too hard on myself that I will feel like a failure when I don’t reach my goals? Don’t I think I am great enough to achieve whatever it is I set my mind to or am I just a realist who accepts her current situation and don’t see a way out? I am still to find out, but in the meantime….

I completed my second marathon on the 26th January and still didn’t qualify. The finish was somehow different though. My body worked with me. Like I could walk afterwards, the double lap and all.

What was different from the first one? I trained. I worked towards it, and am getting closer to the goal. To qualify for Comrades 2020.

How awesome it will be, to really apply the running lessons in my daily life? To celebrate life’s little moments, to pause and strategize on making the next move better.

Why does it seem impossible? Because there’s a little voice inside of us that we entertain more than we should. The voice that keep discouraging and reminding us of our imperfections. The voice that highlights failures more than our victories. This voice isn’t going away, so I am learning to answer to it whenever it drags me down. I am learning to rise above it. I am learning to shut it down with; I will try again, or I am the greatest! For who am I not to be 💪🏽.

I need to start affirmations, on a daily basis together with my meditation. Take control of my journey, each day at a time. For as a runner I know too well that when I am on the road it’s body, mind and soul and the same should apply to the rest of the day. I am not aspiring to be perfect, I am however aspiring to be the best I can be. I know it’s possible. And I can achieve it, if only I commit to it.

Life is too short and I know this only too well. Sometimes, when I can’t find the motivation to get through the day or a challenge, I think of my Sister Puna. How impossible it is for her to achieve anything, and I snap out of the self pity. It is important to get into a habit of appreciating each day, starting with opening my eyes in the morning and realize I have made it the book of life. That His grace is upon me still and is more than sufficient. That I can allow mercy to re-write my life 💜💜💜 I hope my Sister’s beautiful soul continues to rest in peace.