Today a month ago, was Wednesday and a holiday. More importantly was the last day I saw my Papa alive. I remember how the day started… I woke up and got ready to go do my nails and spoil myself to a brunch thereafter. My Sister was going to take Papa to the Dr who was going to prescribe some meds and all will be well again.

After doing my nails I walked to Mugg & Bean to order my fav, chicken livers and cappuccino. I was still in the birthday celebratory mood. I had just turned 44 on Saturday and all was good. Just as I had placed my order I called my Sister to check how it went with the Dr. And she said Papa has been referred to the hospital. I immediately told her to come pick me up … I got worried but thought at least he is getting the attention he needs with his abdominal pain and all will be well. I remember our trip to the hospital, Papa was so quiet and clearly in pain. Even when we got to the hospital we used the wheelchair because the pain was unbearable. We went through the admin process which was about three hours or so. The Doctors reassured us he was in good hands. We came home to his wife and made sleeping arrangements, which were of course temporary for Papa was coming back home.

Thursday the 17th came and Papa had the emergency surgery to remove the objects that caused him pain, and the op was deemed successful or so we thought. We only managed to speak to him later in the day… I remember how frustrated we were because visitors were not allowed at the hospital. We managed to get hold of him late that evening and although he sounded out of it, we were happy Papa made it through the surgery. Friday the 18th he summoned us to the hospital, saying the Dr wanted to speak to us. The three of us rushed to the hospital, only to be refused entry because no prior arrangements were made for us to be allowed entry. After some time only my brother was allowed in to take the few items we packed for Papa. He came back and reassured us that Papa was on the mend.

Sunday was Father’s day, 20th I remember telling my Sister how I am starting to hate the day. In 2019 Puna passed away whilst preparing for the Father’s day lunch. Fast forward 2021 Papa was in hospital, for the first time since he was born. That evening during our daily calls he didn’t sound ok at all… I remember my brother and I wondering what is it that was odd about him and couldn’t put a finger on it. But we let it go and slept. Monday 21st June in the morning, we called him and he was in high spirit. We were relieved. The worry we had the night before quickly faded… we assured him that he will be home soon. I went about with my daily work… the at 16:03 I called him just to check in. He sounded disorientated. I couldn’t make out what he was trying to say… I got so frustrated because I wanted to understand what he’s trying to relay to me. I then asked him to rest a bit and that I will call him after 18:00. I thought he needed to rest. But at 17:13 the call from hospital came and summoned us to Helen Joseph. Everything seem to be taking forever. Traffic lights… everything. I kept praying that it cannot be the worst, I had spoken to Papa earlier. There’s no way something could have happen within an hour. Unfortunately the worst did happen 7 minutes after the call. Papa was no more. Just like that death visited our family in June to take our Anchor. Even as I type this I am in disbelief that he’s no more.

Papa was more than a Father to me. He was my best Friend! We come a long way with him.. we were even colleagues at one point, walking to and from work. And for some odd, perhaps even silly reason I had never imagined my life without him. Especially because the past few years we stayed together…I got to see him every day. It hurts so much. His loss is unexplainable. There’s a hole in my heart that’s just there and will never close again. However, as much as it hurts I am grateful that I had him as a Father. My first love. Papa was generous and loved with all his heart. His love is carrying me through still and I know for sure it will continue to do without fail.

I continue to mourn his loss yet celebrate his love at the same time.

I remember Papa in a happy way. Papa’s Big Girl.

I remain forever Daddy’s Girl, unashamedly so.