The month of March leaves a bitter sweet taste in our mouths as a family. From the 1st March the WhatsApp groups would have been filled with my lil’Sis reminders that her birthday is approaching accompanied by hints of gifts she expects from us. She had a why of making sure she gets what she wants for her birthday and in turn acts all surprise when she receives them. Now the days leading up to her birthday are empty and silent, another reminder that she’s no more 💔💔💔.

Another event that dim our lights in March, is the sudden death of my Uncle, in March 2019. A mystery that’s yet to be solved. Not even sure if his death was caused by a knife or gun. All I know is I lost an Uncle.

In 2011, it was my maternal Granma, who passed away suddenly… five days after we had a chat and she reminded me that she prays for me. I remember how touched I was by those words as I wasn’t working at that time and didn’t tell her for I knew she would stress. Thing is leaving home and coming to this place of Gold is one of the most humbling experiences. And admitting to those left behind that things aren’t working isn’t about pride but making sure they don’t worry about your wellbeing for everyone knows … This place of Gold can be a jungle at times. I say this even though I moved with my immediate family. When the going gets tough it does get tough.

As I type this blog I am filled with so many mixed emotions, for there’s always a glimmer of hope that things will work out eventually and in the same breath there’s a hole that will never be filled because of the loved ones lost in death. There’s a constant struggle between fighting and giving up, remembering that every breath one has is a privilege for some aren’t as fortunate. Then I am left with no choice but pick up my tools and keep digging, digging very deep to make it through. To try just one more time.

The past week has left me drained emotionally. So much so that I got physically sick, yet here I am on a Sunday evening alive still and sharing my story. Meaning I have been granted an opportunity to try again one more time. I need to start with going back to the road, something I have neglected and know very well that is important to keeping sane.

So despite the losses. The challenges. I am alive still with possibilities to do better. Yes pause if needs to but never be stagnant. Progress remains an integral part of human being survival. I will lose some. I will win some. It’s part and parcel of this journey, called life.