Mental health during pandemic, add grieving to the equation then there’s turmoil. This is my current state of mind…turmoil! Waves upon waves of emotions sometimes all at ones. At times I am not sure which Mpho I miss… the old Mpho (who obviously would have her loved ones back to life) or the new Mpho who would have survived the current turmoil.

My Dad’s passing hasn’t been easy at all, as it should. Life without him isn’t easy at all, and Mom’s health deteriorating immediately after his passing hasn’t helped at all. I have noticed that I have bouts of anger… misplaced most of the time and then I realize I need to suppress the emotions for fear of regrets. Most of the time I remember how well my Dad handled things, his demeanour amidst turmoil but most importantly how empty I am without his prayers. I miss our conversations, our bond. And I know for sure he wouldn’t want me to fall apart…he had so much faith in me. He was proud of me and it hurts when I feel like I am letting him down.

I plan to dig deep in me, the foundation he laid that somehow got covered by mud (life challenges) and put up a good fight. It’s never gonna be easy but I know for sure it’s going to worth all the while. I wouldn’t be Papa’s big Girl if I don’t 🖤. I have so much to be grateful despite the turmoil:

1. My Girls who are thriving despite whatever life is throwing at them
2. A Partner who adores and believes in me
3. My only brother getting married soon..
4. In a month it will be one year since I am a homeowner

These are just a few I can think of …there’s plenty. I must just lift my head high up in the sky, exhale and faith it until I make it.