Dear 2020,

I feel the need to introduce myself to you. My name is Mpho and I live by the motto: “work in progress!” Your predecessor showed me flames and saying it was a roller-coaster ride is an understatement. I went though a divorce, was out of employment twice and oh how can I forget the loss of my loved ones. And through it all I am here … sharing this, which means I have survived each and every one of those storms. When going through them I never thought I would live to tell the story… I lost count as to how many times I wanted to give up, throw the damn towel because it seemed like there was no way out. Whenever I felt like this suicide always came to mind, it always became an easy way out would reason. Is it though? For death is final, there is no coming back, however whatever challenges I face are temporary with a tag: this too shall pass! 

I made it 2020! My Heavenly Father, Jehovah came through for me through each and one of my challenges. Forever faithful, even when I felt unworthy nor deserving of His unconditional love.

There are some highlights though… I turned forty almost three years ago. My eldest daughter completed her schooling career, I made strides in my career and became a runner! This madness bug that is running bit me and I am loving it. It challenges me and helps me build endurance; an important quality on and off the road. Being able to complete the race no matter how difficult it is, improving with each race I run. I try and apply this off the road. I may never be the Caster Semenya, but I give my best every time I am on the road.

I am on the road to #Comrades2020, the ultimate human race. I decided to dare to dream and hopefully come out the winner for completing it.

I am Mpho and continue to be work in progress in this journey called LIFE.

This post is dedicated to those feeling like there’s no way out. Hang in there, your time is coming. Keep your head up, always, so you never miss your breakthrough.

Yes 2019 has dealt me a good deal but I do have highlights and would like to take this moment and reflect on them:

1. I fell in love with myself all over again! I learnt to appreciate myself, so much so that on my birthday I flew to Durban for a day. All on my own. I sat by the beach and reflected on the past 41 years, soaked it all in. I forgave myself for the silly mistakes I made, for loving the wrong people… I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for them anyway, so yes they made me.
2. Left the comfort zone in terms of my career … I took a horn by its bull. I asked for feedback from my stakeholders. I particularly asked them, if there’s anything I could improve on every quarter. It wasn’t easy because I could have easily opened up myself for criticism that could have destroyed me. I did this because I am believer that nothing grows from comfort… I did and it payed off. And I am grateful.
3. I ran my first marathon! In a scotching heat I completed what I started and it felt great. Running has brought so much in my life. I feel great most of the time because when I go out running I use this as an opportunity to reflect and communicate with my Creator. Running has taught me patience and to focus. I am able to endure a whole lot because of running… whenever the going gets tough I think of myself running and focus on completing the race.

I am proud to say I run regularly and consistently, still struggle a bit with sleep but it’s much better because I want to believe with my every being that my Sister is resting peacefully too. 💜💜💜

This particular blog is dedicated to Manqoba who thanked me for sharing my grief journey. Manqoba there’s no formula to grief you take it each day at a time and hope it gets better and hurt a little less. I wish well my dear brother 💪🏽

I have been a mess lately, losing my Sister doesn’t seem to get better. The more time passes the painful it gets, the more reality hits that she ain’t coming back. My sleeping patterns have changed, thus affect my training. I have failed in the past two weeks to wake up and join the Club’s morning runs. I make it up in the afternoon and the truth is I don’t think it’s sufficient.

Saturday, 30 November came and once again I was late. Fortunately for me, the race was just around the corner from home and it didn’t seem like a lot of runners participated. I lined up to start my first marathon. I remember my brother asking me if I was ready and all I said was “it’s now or never“. I told myself that if I didn’t start there’s no way to know where I needed to improve at, especially as the 14.06.2020 draws near. I had one thing and one thing only in my mind … complete the race. I had discovered during the week that the race was a double lap and started preparing my mind for it because I failed dismally in May to complete MiWay. I told myself I had a home ground advantage and that I did the Discovery series races with double laps and finished. With this in mind, I lined up at the starting point for Run 4 bibles race in memory of Riana, mine was however in memory of my Sister, Puna 💜.

It wasn’t an easy race at all, it was tough but I reminded myself that if I couldn’t do it for me at least do it for my Sister and daughters. There were moments when I became teary, when I remembered my Sister… her smile, her sarcasm but most importantly how proud she would have been if I completed the race. And my daughters who reminded me that I needed to complete 42kms run during my 42nd year on earth. And I did it.

I didn’t qualify, yet, but I conquered that 42,2kms in the scotching heat of Pretoria and got the medal. I am proud of myself and thank my family and friends for believing in me.

Still I rise 💜💜💜

Almost six months since my sister took her last breath and it hurts so much still. Some days are better, others are worse. Like today, I just can’t believe a phone call to her is impossible. I wore her top…thinking it might make me feel better, but it doesn’t. All I want is my little sister back. Death is cruel. The number one enemy of human beings.

#ripdearest Puna 💜.

I made plans to run Kaapsehoop as a qualifier for the BigC. I watched the video of the route, I asked around how it is… The common response was it is easy. I then took a good look at where I was mentally, physically and emotionally. None of them were 100% and I gracefully withdrew from it.

I had a Soweto 10kms entry after all, so I just needed Company for the Saturday long run. This came in a form of BDS Unlimited race in Wonderpark. My first race in the rain. My first one without music… It was the rain (for most part of the race), my feet and my thoughts. It was such a therapeutic run. Just what I needed as I am struggling with my sister’s loss still 💜. I pushed where I needed to and took it easy when the need arose. I did it in 02:33. 😎

The following day was Soweto Marathon, the people’s race. The same place that showed me flames, not once but twice. I got myself a 21.1kms entry and challenged myself to do 42 kms back to back. And the goal was achieved. 2 medals and 42,2 kms were clocked.

My mission as a runner continues, to be the best I was from my previous run. To mature as a runner and enjoy every moment of every run/race. I am in competition with no one but myself.

Yesterday at the start of the race, one particular gent paid attention to me. As we were running I discovered it was his first half marathon, whereas I was running one of the toughest race as a recovery run. As we reached 5 kms my running apps announced 30 minutes. I immediately told him I am slowing down to ensure that I complete the race alive 😂😂😂 he probably thought I was mad… But here’s what I learned from running, listen to your body and run to your own beat and complete it triumphantly.

As I continue to improve and most importantly enjoy my running journey my thoughts are with the families of those who lost their loved yesterday 🖤. Take comfort in the fact that they died doing what they loved.

This post is dedicated to my brother who ran his first half marathon at one of the toughest races. @menaiza here’s to many more half and full marathons ❤️.

Check out my activity on Strava: https://strava.app.link/aWHKGUrQK0

I purposely titled this blog, lessons learned for it could easily have gone south I tell you. It could have been how “I failed the marathon attempt”, or even a “Soweto marathon dry run DNF: did not finish.” I remember how the run suddenly became a hike as we approach Riverlea, where FNB nor the calabash was out of sight. I wasn’t sure what kept me going because everything hurt and to make matters worse I was pressed (yes, needed to pee). I was grumpy and hated every moment of feeling grumpy….

When I signed up for this dry run early September I should have started there and then to prepare for it. The truth is, I did not. I kept snoozing the alarm in the morning and would do an evening run here and there. Nothing serious… and during the Irene Spring run I fell and hurt both my knee and elbow. In true human being style I became big-headed for I finished the half marathon in 2,29 hours despite the fall. MoGirl thought, oh I moes got this and there was no follow up plan towards 12/10/2019. I paid dearly.

Lessons learned:

1. Respect the craft! in this case running and it will return the favor.
2. Have a schedule and stick to it, Champions aren’t made by chance but through hard work and dedication.
3. Consistency is the key. No matter how sad I feel at times, if it is running time I should hit the streets.
4. It’s not easy but it’s doable. Determination is key. Endurance is everything when coming to running.
5. No one has asked me to do this, but through it I have gained friends and most importantly cheerleaders who encourages me to keep trying.

This blog is dedicated to Boipelo Charmaine Lenkwane. A former colleague turned sister. On Friday, 11/10/2019 she called me sharing the good news that she got a job… and whilst chatting we realized we registered for the Soweto Dry Run and confirmed a date :-). My Lovington as we call each other was there from the beginning to the end. And reminded me that we’re not losers but conquerors and we’re not stopping. Cheers my Lovington and to many, many more marathons together.

Ocsober is the buzz word… unfortunately I shall pass. I always joke that life is just too challenging for one to go through it sober. 31 days leading to my first 42kms, which happens to be my qualifier can be daunting hence Ocsober can pass me.

Wait…did I just say qualifier? Yes I did. I guess it’s on. I plan to complete Comrades 2020 not only in my sister’s honor but as my #iphupholam rightly themed by the Comrades Committee. Somehow it seems like everything is coming together for 14.06.2020. I will be honest I am not as consistent as I am supposed to be, and this worries me at times. I guess I take it for granted that my body is now used to running… that without joining my Club’s daily runs at 04:30 I finish 21.1kms at 2.30hrs. But this is still not enough. I need to be consistent with my running and gym in order to realize the Comrades 2020 dream!

Routine. Consistency. These will be orders of the day, not only with my preparations towards Comrades but in all aspects of my life. Take this blog for instance, I have neglected it. For me to be a blogger… I need to do it regularly same way I clock kms because I consider myself a runner. In August I pledged to give my best in everything I do, but the truth is I dropped the ball. Badly so. I guess it explains a whole lot of stress I have experienced during the past month, the month that was supposed to be themed “harvest“.

I must say all was not lost when I think about it… I changed my look. I started experimenting with wigs and love it. My mom always said, never wear your problems on your face. True to her advice, at my lowest I decided to change my looks and it works. Moms know best right.

This post is dedicated to Tebang Tlhako Ntsasa, a fellow runner from Twitter who encouraged me to keep writing.

August is Women’s month, and I decided to commemorate this my way.

The first half year of the year dealt me a great deal. So much so that most of the time I had an out of body experiences. Like I am watching a movie with no control whatsoever of the script.

I then paused and asked myself, what if I take control of the situation. What if I own whatever it that life is throwing my way? Good or bad! WoMan up and embrace it, starting with grief. I am learning to #ownmygrief, and since I made this decision I feel a little better. It is afterall a journey.

I am owning the new me… The person I am becoming. I am owning my flaws, my perfect imperfections. I am Mpho Hlalele and own my journey.