Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is pause, take stock and give yourself permission to be where you are.

It has been a minute.

And, truthfully, I don’t particularly like that. I don’t like the feeling of floating through life, being caught up in the busyness of everything and not necessarily being intentional about showing up in all the areas that matter to me.

Yet here we are, approaching the end of another year, and the year-end fatigue is very real.

So, what have I been up to?

Well, I have been healing.

Healing from the future I had so much looked forward to, the dreams I had quietly nurtured and the plans that will no longer unfold in the way I imagined.

And that hurts.

More than I sometimes care to admit.

What I didn’t anticipate was how this particular loss would open up some of the older wounds. Losing my baby sister, my dad, my mom and my aunt has been a journey of its own. The past seven years have carried more than their fair share of goodbyes.

Losing my parents while navigating a relationship that I had hoped would be my forever made that season particularly difficult.

And now, another chapter has closed.

But enough about the losses for a moment. Life, after all, continues to invite us to participate.

Work has been keeping me on my toes, and while it has been hectic, I am still finding joy in doing what I love.

Golf is still very much part of the picture. So is running, even if I have been doing a little here and there rather than as consistently as I would like.

And perhaps most importantly, I am becoming more intentional about filling my own cup.

Choosing love. Choosing care. Making room for the things that bring me joy. Giving myself permission to experience life without feeling that I must have every single piece figured out.

I am learning that healing isn’t necessarily a straight line. Neither is growth.

Some days you feel ready to take on the world. Other days, you simply need to slow down, breathe and acknowledge where you are.

And both are okay.

As I continue this journey towards 50, I am reminding myself that I don’t want to merely arrive at another milestone. I want to be present for the journey.

Present in my relationships.

Present in my career.

Present in my health and wellness.

Present in the little experiences that make life beautiful.

And, most importantly, present for myself.

I have spent a considerable amount of time showing up for others, building, nurturing, achieving and making things happen. I am not abandoning any of that. I am simply learning that I deserve the same level of intention.

So, this is my gentle reminder to myself:

Don’t just be busy. Be present.

Don’t just survive the days. Experience them.

Don’t wait until everything is perfect before allowing yourself to enjoy life.

Keep running. Keep swinging that golf club. Keep creating. Keep loving. Keep dreaming.

And when you need to pause, pause without guilt.

I am not behind. I am simply becoming.

Here’s to healing, rediscovering, reconnecting and, above all, being present for the life I am still so privileged to live.

One day, one experience and one chapter at a time.

#Project50 #TheGrowthNarrative #TheArtOfBeingPresent #HealingAndBecoming #ProgressOverPerfection